Lately, as Brian has had to work longer hours, I have tried to help out by cooking meals at least two times a week. I know this doesn't seem much to most women out there, but it's a lot to me. I cannot stand cooking. I can't stand feeling like I'm strapped in one room with no way out for a couple of hours. I don't like the heat. I don't like the not knowing what I'm doing, and I especially don't like the idea of the lack of flavor, or something burnt having to go down my family's throat. I'm just not a cook. Thankfully my husband doesn't mind or we'd starve to death. I DO enjoy letting him rest when he comes home, however. That makes me feel accomplished.
The other day I had to cook something. It was last minute, and it actually turned out half way decent, but I was ENRAGED in the kitchen. I wasn't angry at any particular thing, just enraged that I was cooking. I beat the ever lasting shit out of everything I was preparing. Ha!
I'm going to try it again today. I'm starting early, hoping to cook in a crock pot so the feeling of being strapped in the kitchen isn't as strong. I'm hoping it turns out so there's a feeling of accomplishment rather than a strong feeling of failure. Wish me luck. (wish the meat luck, too)
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Perception
Sometimes, I would like to scream at the world, "YOU DON'T KNOW ME!!!" and then realize, I don't know myself.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Changing of the seasons
After enduring very cold temperatures ENTIRELY too early last week, we received a blessing of 80's yesterday and 70's today. I STILL haven't finished planting my bulbs, but am now blaming it on this cold that won't quite make up it's mind if it's going to be a full blown cold, or just make me tired and cough a lot. I'm running on empty.
I should be napping, because that's what you do when you're sick, but instead I'm sitting in the shade, listening to the light breeze move my Aspen trees. They are almost completely gold right now. The weather has been just perfect for the trees to change this year.
For some reason, I've been reflecting a lot on the past year. My mother's cancer, my best friend being in Iraq for a year, friends, Brian's job loss, other family members...a LOT has happened since this time last year. I hold my head up high with no regrets on either my actions nor my feelings. I look back and know that I have gained more appreciation for the little things, and smiles come easier to my face. I have unconsiously (or maybe consiously) removed little things out of my life that caused me greater stress than I was able to take, and have vowed to be sweeter with my words and my thoughts.
I miss my boys since they've started school. I see how separation between mother and sons is bound to happen, and nod knowingly. I think it's natural, even necessary, for the man to fall in love with a woman and leave his mother behind, but they are a part of me and never can be fully severed. I rejoice in them finding their new love, however, and will continuously praise God for whenever that should happen. I know this is early to think about, but as my young son becomes a teenager, I can feel the separation starting already. Wanting to share things with his friends rather than his parents. Again, I know this is completely normal (I wanted nothing to do with my mother and father as a teenager) but it's forshadowing what soon will come.
My husband is working a lot lately. I appreciate his job, appreciate it so much more before the Holidays. It allows us to breathe easier with health insurance and maybe a little bit of a bonus sometime next year. I appreciate how this company has made a change in my husband. He walks taller, with a broader step. He continuously is reminded how much he is needed at work and has more self confidence...something that I never was able to give him...but am so happy he is attaining it. I miss him, too.
With fall coming to an end too soon, I reflect. I administer. I love. I hope to find more of myself this upcoming year.
I should be napping, because that's what you do when you're sick, but instead I'm sitting in the shade, listening to the light breeze move my Aspen trees. They are almost completely gold right now. The weather has been just perfect for the trees to change this year.
For some reason, I've been reflecting a lot on the past year. My mother's cancer, my best friend being in Iraq for a year, friends, Brian's job loss, other family members...a LOT has happened since this time last year. I hold my head up high with no regrets on either my actions nor my feelings. I look back and know that I have gained more appreciation for the little things, and smiles come easier to my face. I have unconsiously (or maybe consiously) removed little things out of my life that caused me greater stress than I was able to take, and have vowed to be sweeter with my words and my thoughts.
I miss my boys since they've started school. I see how separation between mother and sons is bound to happen, and nod knowingly. I think it's natural, even necessary, for the man to fall in love with a woman and leave his mother behind, but they are a part of me and never can be fully severed. I rejoice in them finding their new love, however, and will continuously praise God for whenever that should happen. I know this is early to think about, but as my young son becomes a teenager, I can feel the separation starting already. Wanting to share things with his friends rather than his parents. Again, I know this is completely normal (I wanted nothing to do with my mother and father as a teenager) but it's forshadowing what soon will come.
My husband is working a lot lately. I appreciate his job, appreciate it so much more before the Holidays. It allows us to breathe easier with health insurance and maybe a little bit of a bonus sometime next year. I appreciate how this company has made a change in my husband. He walks taller, with a broader step. He continuously is reminded how much he is needed at work and has more self confidence...something that I never was able to give him...but am so happy he is attaining it. I miss him, too.
With fall coming to an end too soon, I reflect. I administer. I love. I hope to find more of myself this upcoming year.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Using tomatoes both ripe and green
A couple of nights ago we heard that we would have frost, so that night, I picked every large tomato off of my four vines. About 100 tomatoes later, I felt quite overwhelmed with what to do with them.
A little background...I grow tomatoes for my family. I, for one, can't stand them. I'm okay when they're pureed, and more into paste, or for some reason I like them in salsa (as long as they are very, very tiny). I put out a HELP!!! onto facebook on what to do with all of them. After reading several recipes and dicing up what seemed a million tomatoes, I tried making my own salsa. It was a lot of fun, and I'm pretty happy with how it all turned out. I still have the ingredients to make about 8 cups more, but will refrain for a couple of days so we can actually eat what I've already made.
Most people told me that I can ripen the tomatoes using the box method (which I haven't tried yet) or I could make Fried Green Tomatoes. I haven't decided, but am starting to worry about fruit flies and gnats invading my house as they sit there, looking so pretty and ready to eat!
A little background...I grow tomatoes for my family. I, for one, can't stand them. I'm okay when they're pureed, and more into paste, or for some reason I like them in salsa (as long as they are very, very tiny). I put out a HELP!!! onto facebook on what to do with all of them. After reading several recipes and dicing up what seemed a million tomatoes, I tried making my own salsa. It was a lot of fun, and I'm pretty happy with how it all turned out. I still have the ingredients to make about 8 cups more, but will refrain for a couple of days so we can actually eat what I've already made.
Most people told me that I can ripen the tomatoes using the box method (which I haven't tried yet) or I could make Fried Green Tomatoes. I haven't decided, but am starting to worry about fruit flies and gnats invading my house as they sit there, looking so pretty and ready to eat!
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Winter already?
Today is the second day of fall, and it's been around 50 degrees the past few days. I feel as if we didn't even have much of a summer, and now I'm contemplating getting the long sleeve shirts out. I'm actually wearing a sweater today to stay warm. This weekend should be warmer (in the 70's) and who knows after that. All I do know is...the winter doldrums have hit me to the fullest degree. With the boys gone, I've been leaving the house more, but not getting much done. I know that the end of the month will leave me with excitement because I have all of my Halloween decor to set up.
I haven't been motivated to write. This might be the mild depression hitting with the boys gone, me working less and not knowing what will be happening next?
I haven't been motivated to write. This might be the mild depression hitting with the boys gone, me working less and not knowing what will be happening next?
Monday, August 17, 2009
End of Summer Blues
As I eagerly await my Solidago 'Fireworks' to bloom, it hits me that it's one of the last perennials to bloom and a quiet break hits me. Summer is almost over. Except for the asters and mums, a sunflower, too, I've got nothing to look forward to see bloom! I love fall and what it brings (Halloween, cooler weather) but my passion for gardening stills. Yes, there are bulbs to plant, things to cut down, but nothing to look forward to in my gardens. *sigh*
Emily Dickinson must have felt the same way at the end of summer:
Indian Summer
These are the days when birds come back,
A very few, a bird or two,
To take a backward look.
These are the days when skies put on
The old, old sophistries of June, -
A blue and gold mistake.
Oh, fraud that cannot cheat the bee,
Almost thy plausibility
Induces my belief,
Till ranks of seeds their witness bear,
And softly through the altered air
Hurries a timid leaf!
Oh, sacrament of summer days,
Oh, last communion in the haze,
Permit a child to join,
Thy sacred emblems to partake,
Thy consecrated bread to break,
Taste thine immortal wine!
Emily Dickinson must have felt the same way at the end of summer:
Indian Summer
These are the days when birds come back,
A very few, a bird or two,
To take a backward look.
These are the days when skies put on
The old, old sophistries of June, -
A blue and gold mistake.
Oh, fraud that cannot cheat the bee,
Almost thy plausibility
Induces my belief,
Till ranks of seeds their witness bear,
And softly through the altered air
Hurries a timid leaf!
Oh, sacrament of summer days,
Oh, last communion in the haze,
Permit a child to join,
Thy sacred emblems to partake,
Thy consecrated bread to break,
Taste thine immortal wine!
Friday, August 14, 2009
Results
I received a couple of phone calls from mom this past week but have been waiting to tell the results of her tests until we heard everything.
Mom had her CT Scan and it was clear! She had her CA125 counts come back and they had gone down to 5! This news makes us all breathe a little easier, and allows the cancer to go a little further back into our minds. Remission is such a two-edge sword. You are so happy that she's in remission, but it's not "cured" for 5 whole years. We are so grateful for the news and are trying to train ourselves to be happy with what we've got!
Mom's energy is coming back strong as she does physical therapy. Her leg pain is less, she has feeling in all of her limbs. She's hoping the "chemo brain" gets better in time because she gets very frustrated at the loss of her short term memory. All in all, an EXCELLENT report and we are very happy!
Monday, August 10, 2009
Transition
It's been a very busy summer (read...AUGUST)! I haven't had much time to do anything except work, prepare for my boys going back to school and preparing and attending two baby showers for my sis-in-law. I've enjoyed every minute of it, but am welcoming some time to catch up on things around the house.
The boys start school on Thursday, and it hits me that I will have all days to myself. Someone asked me to tell her how that works out...what that FEELS like. Right now, it feels like a huge piece of what I do has been taken out of the picture. I've been a stay-at-home mom for 9 years. How do you prepare yourself for all of that extra TIME? I know I have tons of projects to do at the house. It's 30 years old and constantly needs new things, new paint, just plain updating. With the boys asthma, I've always had to put off the painting for fear it will cause their asthma to act up. With them gone, I can do some painting in the morning and then air out the house so it's clear by the time they get home. I always have my landscaping to work on. I have work to go to. It just STOPS in October...and then there's nothing...
Corrin starts at the high school this year. I'm sure he's so tired of us telling him that "this is it. It now MEANS something" but he does want to attend CU and that is all we have left to inspire him to stay active and school and get good grades. We can't hold his hand forever, and I refuse to push him when it comes to something like doing homework. The stress if huge, and he needs to learn to do it on his own.
With two nieces coming sometime in September or early October, and one other niece or nephew due the end of January, I'm sure a lot of my time with be spent with my sis-in-law's because I HAVE the time and they won't. It's so weird that my timing has always been way ahead of everyone else, and people are finally catching up. It's weird because I'm not that much older than everyone else, but I feel as if I am sometimes. I have such a feeling of disconnect when I'm talking of plans.
I'm at a different stage, and I don't know what to do with myself.
The boys start school on Thursday, and it hits me that I will have all days to myself. Someone asked me to tell her how that works out...what that FEELS like. Right now, it feels like a huge piece of what I do has been taken out of the picture. I've been a stay-at-home mom for 9 years. How do you prepare yourself for all of that extra TIME? I know I have tons of projects to do at the house. It's 30 years old and constantly needs new things, new paint, just plain updating. With the boys asthma, I've always had to put off the painting for fear it will cause their asthma to act up. With them gone, I can do some painting in the morning and then air out the house so it's clear by the time they get home. I always have my landscaping to work on. I have work to go to. It just STOPS in October...and then there's nothing...
Corrin starts at the high school this year. I'm sure he's so tired of us telling him that "this is it. It now MEANS something" but he does want to attend CU and that is all we have left to inspire him to stay active and school and get good grades. We can't hold his hand forever, and I refuse to push him when it comes to something like doing homework. The stress if huge, and he needs to learn to do it on his own.
With two nieces coming sometime in September or early October, and one other niece or nephew due the end of January, I'm sure a lot of my time with be spent with my sis-in-law's because I HAVE the time and they won't. It's so weird that my timing has always been way ahead of everyone else, and people are finally catching up. It's weird because I'm not that much older than everyone else, but I feel as if I am sometimes. I have such a feeling of disconnect when I'm talking of plans.
I'm at a different stage, and I don't know what to do with myself.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Bloomin' Tuesday!
Today is Bloomin' Tuesday and I have a two part blog that I will share half this week and then half next week. I had the pleasure of visiting the Betty Ford Alpine Gardens in Vail, CO last week and I was in HEAVEN. If you haven't had a chance to go visit the mountains in the summer, please do so! The wildflowers were in abundance, the weather perfect and the gardens were divine! Here are just a few shots that I took of the Alpine Gardens. Thanks to Jean for providing a chance to share some amazing flower pics! Go to Jean's site to check out what's blooming across the world.
Next week are some shots that I took at 10,500 ft up on Vail Pass!
Next week are some shots that I took at 10,500 ft up on Vail Pass!
Monday, July 27, 2009
The return
Brian and I returned from vacation on Friday, and yesterday I had major clean-up in my gardens. It looked like a jungle due to the heavy winds and rain we received the previous week! My hollyhocks were sideways, my russian sage had split down the middle and were lying flat. Time to get the twine and pray! This is the year where I had to see how everything grew together, and next spring is the year to fix everything. I know there are a lot of people that do dividing in the fall, but I've never had a lot of luck with that here in Colorado. I'm not sure if it's because I wait too long and then the roots don't have enough time to establish or what, but a lot of things die over the winter time. Color combinations and size of plants are the main obstacles right now. I planted some crazy daisies and some daylillies right by my sidewalk walkway and everything was too huge to walk through. I had no idea the crazy daisies would flop as much as they have and have to move them pronto. They flopped so much I just cut them down and didn't even get to enjoy the flowers!
Moving on to my veggie garden...I have little grape tomatoes EVERWHERE, and I have to restake all of my tomatoes because they have outgrown what I previously had. I have peppers that are very close to harvesting, and saw our first cukes and beans coming along strong. FINALLY the heat has come through and things are growing with gusto.
My backyard is missing summer color so I will be dividing like crazy and bringing new color to it next spring. It's hard to know for sure what will bloom because when you buy things new, they don't necessarily bloom the same time the first year. I have two types of hibiscus that should be blooming now but haven't yet...and my Limelight Hydrangea is about to pop. Other than some daisies, foxglove and columbine blooming, that's the only color besides green that I really have in the back.
All of my trees are doing very well. I was surprised they don't have any signs of stress from the heat. This week should be a bit cooler to give them a much needed break.
All in all, it's been a pretty successful summer in my gardens. I have one side trained to only need water once a week, which is great. If I could stop planting on the other side, I could get that down to twice a week waterings, I think. Saving water is the plan...
Moving on to my veggie garden...I have little grape tomatoes EVERWHERE, and I have to restake all of my tomatoes because they have outgrown what I previously had. I have peppers that are very close to harvesting, and saw our first cukes and beans coming along strong. FINALLY the heat has come through and things are growing with gusto.
My backyard is missing summer color so I will be dividing like crazy and bringing new color to it next spring. It's hard to know for sure what will bloom because when you buy things new, they don't necessarily bloom the same time the first year. I have two types of hibiscus that should be blooming now but haven't yet...and my Limelight Hydrangea is about to pop. Other than some daisies, foxglove and columbine blooming, that's the only color besides green that I really have in the back.
All of my trees are doing very well. I was surprised they don't have any signs of stress from the heat. This week should be a bit cooler to give them a much needed break.
All in all, it's been a pretty successful summer in my gardens. I have one side trained to only need water once a week, which is great. If I could stop planting on the other side, I could get that down to twice a week waterings, I think. Saving water is the plan...
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